Alien Among Us
by Zarius
Summary: Penfold worries DM's observational humour detaches him too much from reality...then DM has to explain a different sort of reality to keep the infant Danger Babies from coming face to face with a more harrowing one


**DANGER MOUSE:**

**ALIEN AMONG US**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

* * *

"That's where they crashed. Over there" said Penfold as he and Danger Mouse made their way across the marshes, a tablet in each of their hands.

They slowly approached the burnt-out wreckage of the car.

"Not the most pleasant wreck I've seen" DM said.

"You equate _car crashes_ to a thing of beauty?" Penfold asked.

"Depends on a roll of the dice from the universe...sometimes they're abominations, but sometimes, just sometimes, there's a _style_ to it. Sometimes the cars are in one piece, you know what I'm saying?"

"But-but what if the _bodies_ aren't?"

"Quit stalling, we have to check" DM asked.

"Just so we're clear Chief, I understand what you're saying, that doesn't mean I have to like what you're saying. How could you be so detached from the reality of the situation? Sometimes I think you're almost an alien amongst us"

"Where do you think we are Penfold?"

"In a marshy hillside meadow just outside of London"

"No, not the exact location, where in our lives do you think we are?"

"Working for the Danger Agency"

"Precisely, so now repeat what the agency deals in?"

"Danger"

"Yes, well, how do you think we _cope_ with Danger?"

"Keep a level head I imagine"

"Well, we all know how level headed _you_ can be"

"Do I detect a hint of cynicism Chief?"

"Helps me call it down the middle without my head rolling, you should try it yourself"

"I'd rather call a medic" Penfold said.

DM spotted a huddled group looking over at them

"Oh great" DM said.

"What?" asked Penfold.

"It's the Danger Babies; Squawk's taking them on a natural trail"

"So tell 'em to clear off"

"I can't, they'll start crying, and loudly, they'll attract all the hikers to this location"

"Level head Chief, come up with an excuse, I'll search for life signs"

Danger Mouse approached Squawk and the babies.

"Afraid you'll have to turn back Squawk, there's been an accident"

"Who's hurt?" one of the babies asked, trembling.

"Hearing someone's been hurt makes us really sad" said another, who gripped Squawk's hand tenderly.

Squawk walked over to DM and whispered in one of his rather over-inflated ears.

"For goodness sake, don't tell them it's a serious accident, they're not at the age to comprehend consequences to Danger"

DM understood and gave the Danger Babies an insincere grin as he thought on his feet

"Hurt? Oh no, no, it's just a funny old accident, no one was hurt, no one we know anyway"

"So we shouldn't care about strangers" another of the babies asked.

"Of _course _you should care about strangers; every good natured stranger you meet is just a future friend for later"

"What about the bad natured ones?" asked a baby.

"You should have been better prepared for the inquisitive nature of a child Danger Mouse" replied Squawk, chucking to herself.

DM sensed Squawk was getting a lot of merriment out of seeing him struggle to explain reality to the innocent, and opted to push harder just to spite her.

"The bad-natured ones always show their cruel hand, and when they do, our job is to strike it hard"

"I heard smacking was banned in Scotland recently, will it be banned here too?" said another of the babies.

"Chief, Chief" yelled Penfold from afar.

"Excuse me" DM said, heading back over to the sight of the crash. Squawk urged the babies to stay where they were while she journeyed with DM to check on the accident.

Penfold held out a hand amongst the wreckage, it was almost limp, but not quite, there were, to the relief of Penfold, DM and Squawk, faint traces of life.

"We've got a live one here Chief"

_Oh, are the repeats over yet? I need a steady bit of income..._

"Narrator, is that you?"

_DM? Yes, yes it's me, I shouldn't have gotten so carried away narrating the radio soaps while driving, I was trying to stay in practice on the odd chance our show would be revived, I took my eyes far off the road and would up travelling uphill, then my car lights went out and I ended up going over a ledge, managed to trigger the distress signal before I passed out_

Squawk noticed the Danger Babies weren't obeying her instructions to stay put.

"The children are on the way, they can't see or hear you in this state, they'll cause a scene" Squawk urged.

A scene? Can I narrate it? I never know when to stop

"You just rest, I have an idea" said Squawk, reaching into her kit bag and pulling out a small handheld device.

"Whatever is that thing Professor?" DM asked.

"It's a G.I.T, **G**raphic **I**magery **T**ransformer, it's designed specially to help onlookers of crash sights deal with trauma by giving them something relaxing to look at, we simply imprint and overlay a new image over that of the more harrowing one"

"Any particular ideas over what graphics to use?" DM asked

"Just the old favourite, stand well back you two" she said, taking aim at the limp arm sticking out amongst the wreckage and pressing the button.

There was a faint orangery glow and the arm turned into a blackened paw.

Penfold and DM removed the rest of the car wreckage from the body to find the narrator completely transformed just as the Danger Babies arrived at the scene of the crash.

All of them persisted with their questioning.

"Is it a bad tempered stranger?"

"Did you slap his wrist?"

"Will you be banned in Scotland?"

"Come and see for yourself" said DM.

They huddled around the transformed narrator.

"Now children, what do you call that?" Squawk asked.

"A wild cat" one of the babies answered.

The narrator attempted to protest, but the G.I.T had also overlaid his voice with that of a cat purring.

"Aw look, it has kittens" another of the babies pointed out.

"Really? I don't see any" Penfold said,

"Aw, it's purring too"

"Wait, are they-are they talking to me Chief?"

"You must not have stood back when the Professor told you to" DM theorised.

Suddenly, he felt one of the babies stroke the top of his head.

"Look, this kitten knows how to stand up"

Penfold smiled cheekily.

"You were in the way of the blast too Chief, we're all GITs now"

DM spotted Squawk trying to restrain herself from laughter at their expense.

"Oh, that's all well and good, and here you were saying I was a different creature to the rest of us Penfold, well we're both of a similar type now aren't we?"

"Oh crumbs Chief, if the Professor can take something out of this horrible situation and laugh at it, then perhaps your methods of coping aren't so alien among us after all"

"What say you narrator?" asked DM.

_Meow, meow, meow, hssss, meow._


End file.
